Solidness

We tell each other
Almost everything
But then we don’t
Too often we speak
In vagueness
When what we really need
Is concreteness, solidness
Like the way we’d feel
Pressed into each other

And I am up late every night
Because I can’t sleep
“Lots on my mind” I say
But really it’s you
On my mind
And I can feel
The world spinning
And I am spinning

Even as I make my way
To the desert
To see my lover of many years
I wish it were you
To climb mesas with
And gaze at the vastness of the sky

But instead we try to find
All the platitudes of
Friendship
Sisterhood
Always teetering on some edge
But never quite
Making that leap

I hold my breath still
Trying to keep
The heat of it inside me
Because you once told me
I needed to turn that page
And I did

But what you don’t know
Is that it is dog-eared
Creased forever
And every time that book,
my heart falls open
It is to that one page
That is you
Which I read and reread
Savouring its words
Its solidness and concreteness
As we keep speaking
In every way possible
To say but not say
I love you